From each phase of life can blossom new experiences and relationships. A spouse's friends become your friends, for better or worse, and as you have kids this takes on a whole new level.
The parents of your kid’s best friend could be incredible or terrible, but you can’t look into little Timmy’s eyes and tell him you won’t be attending that birthday party because you don’t like his parents. As a parent this can create a lot of frustration, having to smile through conversations you don’t want to have and attend parties you don’t like as you patiently wait for those parents to get a job in a new state or you contemplate moving just far enough in your same town to not have to deal with them anymore.
At Beeloo, we want to help parents no matter what ails them, not just the challenges of keeping your kids engaged without screens, but petty frustrations as well.
That is why we are so excited to announce our official 2023 When You Don't Like the Parents Gift Guide for Kids. Every product on this list has been tested to pass two crucial tests. The first is that the gift must pass as a legitimate gift a kid will enjoy and not be obvious that you’re actually seeking out revenge because of your inability to tell your kids the truth and handle adult relationships like, well, adults. The second test is that at some point during the time they have the toy the parent will definitely get frustrated, annoyed, receive minor bodily harm or be forced to clean up a mess. The impact of the toy could also be a magical combination of those outcomes.
Without further ado, here are our 2023 winners:
WHISTLES: Whistles are a potent and versatile tool to annoy other parents. Inexpensive and small, they can easily be slipped into select take-home party favor bags. Pro tips: make sure they don't get the gift bag until they are headed to the car and slip in more than one to make sure it gets the job done. This bag of 72 whistles for 12 bucks should do the trick.
GLITTER: Another versatile gift, glitter can come in many forms, a fun, poorly-made tutu that will start to shed glitter the minute it’s opened, or in the name of craftiness, just a huge bag of glitter. Of course, micro plastics are a massive environmental concern, but whales and dolphins don’t have to listen to Suzan share details about her most recent medical intervention. A 1lb bag is a good starting point.
NOISE: Since kids are already so great at speaking softly, you have a few ear splitting options to up the volume in a way that will leave the parents wondering if they need to get their hearing checked. This karaoke mic and megaphone are our top picks in this category. If you want to go the extra mile, include some batteries in case the parents try to play that card. Finally, we suggest this goose, who both raps (loudly and poorly) and begs for its life if picked up by the neck, which is the most likely way a small child will try to carry it.
LEGOS: A legitimately incredible gift for just about any kid, but our friends at the Nerdist did an analysis of the most painful legos to step on. We recommend you make a custom mixed pack of those recommended legos. After giving the gift, if you’re ever sad, just imagine those parents stepping on a lego and it’ll just turn your day around quickly.
SNEAKY PUZZLE: Who doesn't love a Melissa and Doug puzzle, a great gift! This is one guaranteed to not raise any suspicion. This delightful toy makes a noise every time you put the puzzle piece in, which is triggered by an optic sensor. It works great, until one puzzle piece is lost, that means when you turn on or off the lights, it will make a noise. If you’re lucky, they’ll be turning off a light late at night and it will give them a nice scare. Don’t worry, the makers of this toy did not think to include an on-and-off switch.
SENSORY TOYS: Playdoh might seem like a classic choice, but we’ve found in our testing that slime and kinetic sand are more likely to spread, harder to clean up and extremely likely to incorporate every piece of dirt, grime and hair floating around your house directly into the hands of your toddler. This 3lb bucket of slime should be enough to guarantee a frustrated parent and is very difficult to hide.
Being a parent is not easy, so we hope this gives you a channel for your pretty frustrations while seeming like a kind and generous friend.